I’m not going to say that all empaths avoid confrontation. There’s a lot of grey area on this subject matter. It depends on your upbringing and how you were treated and who you have kept as company over the course of your life. Even then you could be completely surrounded by people who might be described as blunt, straight forward, or even aggressive or confrontational, but you yourself could be introverted.
This is an important subject to me, as I have always been since early childhood, a people pleaser. I would hover in the background when fights would spark between my mom and dad and go hide in my room for hours on end by myself. Those of you who know me know that I’m very friendly, upbeat, outspoken,and jokey. This is different. When something negative was floating in the air between two people I was gone. I could sense that ugly nasty energy and I wanted out of that immediate area. I didn’t realize all of that until here lately and I am 44 years old! I was absolutely petrified of confrontation! Especially if it involved me!
For example, I studied people to learn what triggered them so I could control the environment to try to keep them from going off or getting angry. Like when I bartended, I learned what each of my other bartenders’ pet peeves were and worked hard to make sure that specific thing was perfect before leaving the bar that night. It didn’t matter. They’d always find something to bitch about. It was their nature. I didn’t know that back then. I didn’t know that their anger and energy and attitude belonged only to them, but I was so empathetic I was picking up on their vibe and tried to fix or control everything. I became a people pleaser as a result of my not wanting to face some kind of confrontation!! That’s an amazing epiphany!! It explains a lot! I drove myself crazy trying to please other people who couldn’t have been pleased if Jesus himself came down and stocked the bar to full tilt and spit, shined, and polished every fixture in the place! That had nothing to do with me at all! They just chose to see the world through a very sad and depressing filter. That everything that could go wrong, would go wrong.
I have to say this is a hard habit to break even now that I am conscious of it. Right now I am finding myself trying to finish this article before my husband gets back from the store because we’e due to make dinner. He was in a nasty mood when I got home from work and I don’t even know why! He was off all day today and literally did not leave the house. But I have to remind myself, it’s not worth letting him drag me down into a low vibe state of being. I’m awake now. He can project his anger all he wants and I know it has nothing to do with me. Besides, what’s he gonna do? Yell? Oh well, I guess my husband is a great teacher because I am finally learning to YELL BACK. I’m growing a backbone thanks to my spunky Sagittarius husband. Yes, he’s an ass, but I still love him.
One more story about how I finally realized confrontation is not all that bad. So, I was working at Panera Bread as a cashier. You guys know that Panera is basically nuts every time you go there. It’s true. They are never not busy. So, one day this woman comes in and orders a dozen bagels. I grab the bakery tissues and proceed to grab the bagels and put them through the slicer. What was weird was that as she was asking questions and placing her order, she was throwing off some really negative attitude at me. I could tell she was a Negative Nancy for sure. I was prepared for something odd to go down, I could just feel the nastiness coming off of her. She proved me right. She asked me if I was going to use gloves or something while grabbing her bagels. I explained to her about the deli tissues. I asked her if she would prefer that I use gloves nicely, as I was trying to keep the peace once again. She said something to the effect of,”I most certainly do!!!” So I threw all of the bagels that I used the tissues with in the garbage can and started over with gloves on instead. She continued to grumble under her breath as I sliced all her bagels over again. So since she had been hunting for her credit card, she still needed to make the payment. I handed her the bagels and asked her if she had the Panera Rewards card. She hastily told me no and started trying to swipe her card. I told her nicely that she would have to wait for the blue lights to light up before she could swipe. That just sent her over the edge I guess because it was not registering her card yet. She stood back and mocked me like Jack Nicholson mocked Shelley Duvall in the movie The Shining. In like a weird evil tone she repeated to me,”You have to wait for the blue lights to light up,” and was making a hideous face as she said it.
Next she shoved the bag of bagels back at me over the counter and said she changed her mind. She should not have to wait to make a payment. Why should she have to wait? On top of it she wanted to see my manager. Two of them were witnessing the entire thing while restocking the bakery. They walked over to join me as this woman just channeled Satan through her body and into the bakery right in front of us. Pure evil poured forth from her and it went on for like the longest three minutes of my life. The managers could not even give her FREE bagels to please her. She didn’t want them. She was still mad over me not using gloves in the first place.
I was really scared when she first let in. I was petrified. She just unloaded on me. Well, me and my managers. I stood there in absolute fear. What did I do? What could I do? What could we do to please her? Would she evil quit going off on us. Everyone was staring. She was full on making a scene. Time stood still and she was still going off. All of a sudden, I switched. I felt sorry for her. I wasn’t scared anymore. Her energy was flowing over and around me and bouncing right off. I felt sorry for whatever happened to her that made her so angry. I knew she could do nothing but yell. She wanted someone to listen. Someone to respect her. Someone to pay attention to her needs. This wasn’t about me at all. The poor dear just wanted love. She was going about it in the wrong way for sure! But ultimately, I forgave her and now I can thank her for showing me that someone can be completely off the charts losing it and i don’t have to absorb one bit of it!!!
I hope this reaches you if you need to hear it. It’s time for us to stand up. You’re worth it and everything you enjoy doing is important enough to stand up for as well. Plus you are loved and supported unconditionally by The Universe.