Empaths, people pleasing, and resentment

resentment

The resentment that comes from years and years of giving to people with the desire to please them, see them happy, and avoid confrontation is real. I have found that I can’t quite comprehend why people from my past and even my present can continue to take and have no problem whatsoever about not giving anything back.

I’m not speaking only in reference to money. I’m speaking in terms of picking up shifts for people back when I worked in restaurants only to have them shit on me when I needed one of mine covered. I’m speaking in terms of helping someone move only to have no one answer the phone when it’s my turn to move. I’m talking about me working 12 hour days and then having to come home and wash dishes so I can have a plate clean to eat off of because I am the only one who does the effin’ dishes.

This has been the story of my life. I feel people and their feelings so vibrantly and did not ever want someone to not like me, not accept me, or just be unhappy in general. I never set any boundaries for myself. I gave and gave and gave. It has drained me and exhausted me for years. For fuck’s sake, I married my first husband because my DAD didn’t want me to live with a guy outside of wedlock! So I married someone I didn’t necessarily want to marry! Not only that, when it didn’t work out, my dream of being with someone for life was crushed. I had to divorce someone which is hard emotionally. It’s hard enough to move out and end your time together with someone you loved, much less having to go through all the frustration of chasing him and trying to get him to sign the papers.

I’m not trying to pass the buck to my dad on that one. I know now that I COULD have told my dad NO, that I did not want to get married to him. I was 18 after all. I just respected my parents so much I wanted them to be happy. But see where I’m going with this? Because of  feeling that it would hurt my dad so much, I people pleased and got married for his sake. Now I’m sitting here telling you how I resented doing that, for my dad’s sake or not. It’s a hard pill to swallow realizing I could have said no. There was no gun to my head.

But over the years, after doing this ten times a day, year after year, denying our own choices, putting someone else’s happiness before yours will cause you to resent them. Maybe you know you resent them and maybe you don’t. But it will effect every relationship that you are in whether it be with your parents. your best friend, your grandparents, your neighbor, your spouse, whoever. Because until it is acknowledged and the behavior is abandoned, you’re not going to be able to engage with love. You’ll still engage, but they will still expect the same response to their mind games and manipulation. You know, the emotional buttons that they push to get you to dance for them? The passive aggressive behavior they do that subtly hints that you need to do something for them and when you don’t they don’t respond nicely. Like when you know they know that you’re not responding to their energy anymore. We could just have the discussion with them, but let me tell you from experience. They can’t handle it. They deny it all.

My husband walked in while I was writing this and I shared a bit of it and he left the room pissed off. Well, the cat’s out of the bag. I won’t stand for this anymore. When you set boundaries and tell people your truth, they get tilted. They’re used to taking from you. The shit hits the fan when you put the brakes on it. Brace yourself. It will blow over. It’s like breaking a new horse. They’ll buck for a while, but eventually they’ll get it. Or hell, they may jump the fence and leave. So be it. It’s your right to be the happiest you choose to be, and if they don’t want to be a part of it, they never truly cared about you in the first place. You’ll see that in time.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m about done being everybody else’s little bitch. I know we’re all sifting and sorting what we can and want to put up with, but don’t forget your own self worth. Value and honor your happiness, wants, and desires before anyone else’s. We might be empaths, but we’re done people pleasing. We owe no one anything. Stand up for yourselves! If you don’t no one else will!!!

I say these things because I LOVE you to the moon and back. We’re learning to love ourselves again, empaths!!! We have to come first if we’re ever going to serve this planet and explode into our true path!!! Put yourself first, and your happiness will radiate outwards to the world and others will want to know your secret!!! It’s Love. Self love and respect for our self!!!

LOVE YOU TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!

Missy

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