A couple weeks back I shared with you an article about me creating my vision board. On it were a lot of long term goals, but I squeezed in a photo of the red Kia Soul I have been eyeballing at the lot down the street from me. I wanted a new car, badly. I was not appreciative of the one I had. Yes, it was old, and the muffler was bad and falling off. It had no air conditioning and I felt deprived. I couldn’t help constantly thinking of wanting a new car. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I kept passing that Soul down the street on the way to and from work and I wanted it. I desired for it. Knowing I somehow felt worthy enough to own a nice car like that again. So, what happens? I wrecked. I took a drink of pop and set it back down, looked up and it was already too late. The woman in front of me was at a full stop, the road was wet, and my tires were balding. I hit her going about 35 MPH. We are both fine, thank goodness. Her car, barely hurt at all. My car? Well, you can see in the picture it was bad. I only had liability insurance. I decided to salvage it to the man who towed it for me to cover the cost of the tow. I cried for three hours about the loss of this car on Monday evening. I felt like what I what I had should have been good enough for me. I was feeling guilty for desiring something more or something better for myself. This was not sitting right with the newer version of me.
The newer version of me believes in miracles. Even in the darkest of times. Something will come together. Something will manifest out of thin air. Sure, I can’t see the bigger picture right now, so my shadow self makes the occasional comment in my head about me being screwed and that I fu**ked up again. My husband does not believe in anything that I do about manifestation or miracles. He’s even went so far as to put me down for wrecking the car. He won’t use his credit to help me get a loan for a car. So instead of accepting his opinion that I am a lesser human than he because I wrecked two cars in 15 months, I have decided to take action.
I went to a buy here pay here lot to get a loan by myself. I shouldn’t be putting him in the position to have power over the car I drive anyway. I mean if we did split up, he’d just take it away from me like he did when he turned my iPhone off when I left. I need to do this independently from him anyway. So when I went, I got approved. I just needed to have a little more down. I have $500 they want $1500. On the way home from the lot, I started to ponder the ways that I could raise the money. I could do a YouTube video about believing in the Law of Attraction and talk about how I know something is coming for me. $15,000 is only a drop in the bucket for some people!!! Who knows it could got right in front of the right person and they might donate a Kia Soul to me!! If you never believe, or you never try, you’ll never receive!!! Right? Well, the smaller part of me compromised on the whole deal. I set up a PayPal link so people can contribute to my down payment fund. I’m afraid I’m not thinking big enough though. I’m not going as big as I could.
I’ve never experienced optimism in the face of a challenge before. Not like this. Something is driving me to keep posting. To keep writing. To line up with what my higher self has in store for me. Maybe it helped listening to this song. It is wonderful for motivation and raising your spirit and energy level…
I heard a voice that told me I’m essential
How all my fears are limiting my potential
Said it’s time to step into the light and
Use every bit of the power I have inside
So what’chu waiting on
Who You waiting for
If You don’t take a chance You’ll never know what’s in store
These lyrics ring true to me. It’s all going to work out. The puzzle pieces will come together. I know it. I feel it. I believe it. The universe is going to deliver something amazing. I know that if I live from fear and make decisions from fear, like not doing anything to help myself, I will continue to suffer. Decisions made from self love and understanding my worth will move mountains. Like deciding to reach out to the vast abundance of the internet and social media. We can do, or be, or accomplish anything with the power inside of us. We just have to know we are worth it. We have to do things for ourselves as we would for any other loved one of friend.
If you would like contribute to help me with my car down payment, click here.
I love you all infinitely!!! Dream up a great life!!!