Rough morning

I can’t believe my husband has to set the alarm and hour early to “start waking up.” He still doesn’t get up until 20 minutes before he has to be out the door. Meanwhile after the alarm goes off the first time, I can no longer sleep. I’m lying in bed listening to the snooze every five minutes. I find this to be quite rude. I understand he is on sleeping medication and it takes him some time to wake up, but it is frustrating.

So today, as every other day, I get up ahead of him and make his lunch for him.  I also fed the cat and made myself a quick breakfast. As a nice gesture, when it is 18° like it is today in Ohio, I even go out and start his car for him. It takes a while for the windows to defrost. Today, I headed out to do that, and as I started to come back in, the storm door locked me out. So I am standing there on the porch, in leggings, a tank top, a thin jacket, and slippers.

Frustrated by the fact that when you do nice things for people you usually get nice things back, I start banging on the door. I have no idea if he’s even out of bed yet. It’s dark and 18° outside. Needless to say, I’m irritated at this point. I don’t even know if he’s up yet! So I began banging on the door raising all kinds of hell. A little bit of panic mixed in, wondering if he can hear me at the other end of the house. Oh he heard me. He came through grumbling and bitching. I said,”I will break that door! I will not be locked out in 18° weather!” It simply has a bad switch. Sometimes it wiggles down and it will lock you out of the house. I think we should make it a point to fix it. I have been locked out one other time but it was during summer. That’s OK. I’ll let him go outside and take the garbage out and get locked out once during the winter, and I guarantee it’ll get fixed after that.

I have a list of stepmom things to do today. I am making a pumpkin roll for my stepson Josh because he loves them. There are gifts to wrap before he gets here, and I have to call Toys R Us and probably drive out there to pick up one last gift for Christmas.

We had some weird shaped gifts, and my first plan of the day was to use the packing tape to tape up the boxes that Brian brought home from work to begin wrapping the presents for Josh. That was the first thing I wanted to do in case I ran late getting home from my errands, the gifts would already be wrapped. Nope. Not that easy today.

I go back to the extra room to look for the packing tape gun. I find it and I am frustrated to realize that it is empty. WTF man? The last time I saw it, this tape gun was full of clear packing tape! Slightly irritated, I take the gun to the bedroom where Brian is. I ask him why the gun was empty when the last time I saw it, it was full!

Oh that’s right! About a month ago, when I was at work, Brian let Josh and his friends use up all the tape making club houses out of extra boxes that are roommate left here when he moved out. Normally I would’ve been tickled by this creative endeavor by my stepson. I like to encourage creative activity, and I can see a kid playing and being a kid. But a whole roll of packing tape? Are you kidding me? Plus I wouldn’t be near as pissed off if it wasn’t inconveniencing me today! Now before I can wrap his presents, I have to go buy another roll of packing tape! He has added another errand to my list today!

I just gave up and came back to bed. It’ll all work out. I had to write because it’s an expression of my anger and a release. I felt like I want to bang my head against the wall. Grumble grumble grumble! This is the holiday season I shouldn’t feel like this!

I think I need to break out the sage. I need to do a clean sweep of all this negative energy. It must be remnants of the past hanging out in the air, because when I went to bed last night I was irritated as well. I hate going to bed angry or irritated because I wake up in the same mood. It carries over I tell you!

What’s funny is as things start to go better for you, things kind of fall apart at the same time. It feels like what we used to call two steps forward, three steps back kinda deal. It kind of feels like a small tug from the Darkside. Like one final attempt to drag me under. Well guess what bitches! You can’t break me. I make my own sunshine! As if!

You can re-create your mood at any point in time. It’s a choice. I think once I chose to write about this morning’s festivities, I was almost immediately able to laugh at myself about it. But if you don’t express it, you’re gonna carry that shit around all day with you. Most likely, we stuff it down, then I say,”I guess this is how my day’s going to be today,” and I slap that big label on my whole day first thing in the morning. Then my mind is programmed for the day and I start to search for everything that confirms that this day is going to suck. Isn’t that funny how that works? Your morning mindset can make or break your whole day.

Start programming yourself to believe that the day is going to be awesome, and you will start to look for the things that confirm that label for the day! Wouldn’t you rather program yourself that everything is going to work out for you today? Try it. And watch the magic happen! Everything we create depends on our mindset!

Everyone program yourself to have an awesome day today!!!


Photo by Ingridi Alves Photograph on Unsplash


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