I used to think I was worthless…

The first time the cops and my dad sent my mom to the psych ward when I was three, I thought I was worthless.

The day I almost got raped in first grade, I thought I was worthless. 

The times that my dad told me my mom’s schizophrenia was all my fault, I thought I was worthless.

The times that my own mom shot at my dad, I thought I was worthless.

The day my dad pointed a loaded 357 at my forehead and threatened my life, I thought I was worthless.

For 14 years I drank and drugged and I thought I was worthless.

When I gave up doing hair for a living, I thought I was worthless.

The day I entered drug rehab with sores all over my face from picking, I thought I was worthless.

When I gave up on three marriages prior to this one, I thought I was worthless.

The day my dad turned black and blue and drew his last breath in my arms, I thought I was worthless.

When I avoided going to see my mom in the nursing home for three years to avoid the pain of watching her die, I thought I was worthless.

The day I lost the job I thought I was in love with, I thought I was worthless.

The day I spent the last dime of my parents’ inheritance, I thought I was worthless. 

The last job interview I went to and I didn’t get hired, I thought I was worthless.

You know what? I’m better than that now. There’s a new, better version of me rising to the surface. She’s full of strength, confidence, beauty, & most importantly, truth. A knowing that all of those things that used to make her feel worthless can now be used as a source of wisdom, strength, & power! 

My newer, bigger, better me can’t be stopped. She’s invincible. Her armor is impenetrable. Nothing can bring her down. A force to be reckoned with. She’s the calm in the eye of the storm. She’s fearless and she knows her worth. She knows that her voice matters. 

You ain’t seen nothing yet folks. I’m just getting started…

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