The Greatest Love Story Never Told…
How I finally came to love & forgive myself
I will just start by telling you a little about myself. I’m different. I’m the Missy-iest Missy you will ever meet. I’m so fun and outgoing. I never meet a stranger. I am very comfortable telling stories from my past to other people. You will be amazed that all of these things have come to pass in only a short 43 years, but mostly you won’t be able to stop reading. I was seriously a hot mess during parts of my life.
You’ll start to wonder if I wasn’t mentally retarded instead of being diagnosed AD/HD by some of the stories I’m going to share with you. That’s my promise. I will likely offend you at some point. You might even hate me or put the book down for a while. You might refuse to finish. Trust me, you’ll want to finish. Everything that I offend you with while sharing my story comes full circle in the end. I have been consciously working on myself, bettering myself for about 11 years now. But I really feel it’s of the utmost importance that I tell my story as it was. Real. Raw. The truth. My real feelings and from my perspective.
I don’t want to sugar coat anything for a couple of reasons. I want people to know that what they have been through with their families and maybe their relationships is something they can survive. No matter how dark and no matter how bad other people have treated me or judged me, I made it. I survived. I not only survived, but I have taken that conditioning that they programmed my mind with in the past, and shed it like an old coat. I peeled back that negative bullshit they programmed me to believe about myself and I found me again. The me that I was intended to be in this life. The loving, friendly, empathetic, happy Missy. I am creative and unique and free. I can be anything I want to be and I don’t give a shit what people think of me.
I really think most people that know my story can find something to relate to in some part of it. If you can’t, you know someone who does. This book is raw, the real me. The good and the bad. The darkness and the light. The old and the new. You’re going to hate me, then you will love me, but I guarantee one thing. You’re going to laugh at me.There will never be a dull moment, I promise. I have bartended for around 18 years and I promise to tell you these stories just like I told them to my bar customers so many times. They always were like,”when you’re finished taking that drink over there, come back. I wanna hear the rest!” That’s when I knew I had a book to write for the first time.
I have clawed and fought my way back to finding and allowing my inner child to come out again. She was a very hurt and sad little girl. Making her comfortable and healing her deeply wounded heart was the very key to finding my purpose. If I had not chosen to heal my inner child, I believe that I would be dead right now. Some little light came on inside of me the day I decided to go to rehab in 2005 and it saved my life. But there’s so much more to tell and I can’t wait to share it with you!!
My soul has been hungry to write this book for you. It would haunt me til my death if I did not do it. I mean, literally haunt me. I am at a point in my life that I can honestly say this is the first of many things I came to do on this planet to do. I’ve been putting it off for months, well actually, years. Yes, i felt like it was eating away at my soul the longer I put it off, but I also knew it had to feel right. It had to be the right timing. It had to be able to flow from me freely without being forced out of me. The healing had to be just right. Well, the healing isn’t finished yet, my friend. Writing the book should just about wind up any loose ends with that. By the time I revisit the darkest times in my life and I relive them all, that should just about do it. I am hoping to free the last of the skeletons from my closet. My consciousness will be clean again. I will be like a newborn bey-bey. So fresh and so clean clean. I’m free to start all over again. I can tie this portion of my life up with a pretty bow and send it out with love. I’ll be a free soul to live and love as I want. Without a care in the world. Finally loving myself enough to forgive myself!
There’s another reason I’m telling my story. It’s because I love you. You. Yes, you. The loving, beautiful, amazing human reading these very words. I want you to know that you are enough. You’re flawless. You don’t have to listen or care what anyone thinks about you. You don’t have to listen to what other people tell you what they think you are. You get to decide that. You’re strong, you’re brave, and you’re unstoppable. Give yourself permission to be the person you want to be, no matter who it upsets. You must decide between your freedom to be exactly who you want to be and upsetting other people. The universe will always support you, no matter what, but ultimately you must decide between your happiness and trying to make others happy. This is a day and age that you have global support to become whoever you want to be. You may lose people you love already, but they’re not really loving you if they can’t allow you to be who you want to be. Can you see that? You deserve to be loved exactly as you are, unconditionally.
And you are. You are. Believe it. There are many positive people that came from very judgemental families and circle of friends that are standing up. Having enough. You can take me as I am, or not at all. You’re the gift to them. You’re the one with the courage it takes to stand up and be your real self. That’s a blessing, my dear. A miracle, and you were perfectly timed to be on this planet right now. You have a purpose. You’re here to teach love, tolerance, acceptance, and that you have made mistakes in your life, but they don’t, and they won’t, define you.
Just wait. Wait til you read the stupid shit I did. If nothing else it will make you laugh. Some of you will feel bad for laughing, don’t. I laugh at it all now. I know I don’t do this dumb shit anymore. These were my lessons in life. Some of you will say,”this is mild compared to what I have been through. I should write a book.” To that I will agree. I hope and pray that you’re inspired to tell your story!!! That’s what I am hoping to be a part of. A chain reaction of healing. You deserve it. You have been through a lot too. We’re all human. We all have the same wants and desires. We want to find love. We want time to enjoy our kids and families. We want financial freedom to travel the world and live the way we want to and where we want to. You didn’t think I was giving my life story away, did you? Honey, I know my worth now!!! I still want my little yellow beach house where I can live with my husband for infinity or until I drive him to drown himself in the ocean! I want to fly my stepson in for his weekends with us. Maybe upgrade to shared parenting so he can enjoy being with his dad more. He can have a more balanced life. Josh and Brian are my world. My little family. We deserve freedom. But so do you. Humans really only want one thing. Acceptance. Okay, wait. Maybe two things. Acceptance and love. To love and be loved. Exactly how we are!
The biggest piece of advice I can give, considering I haven’t even started on the body of this book yet, is let the real you out of the closet. Let what you love to do out of the closet. Let your hobbies out of the closet. Let your spiritual self out of the closet. Let your sexual preference out of the closet. Let your soul out of the closet. If not, you will die a little everyday until you do. Let this book be the inspiration for that. Let all of what you have judged yourself for in the past fall away. It doesn’t matter to anyone else but you. When you do, you may have some resistance from people around you, but nothing will be worse than punishing yourself by hiding your true self for years, maybe even decades. I mean, what if you get to your death bed and regret never having been yourself? That would be a life not lived. A soul not celebrated. A you never celebrated. Find your tribe either in real life, or online. Find your tribe, then celebrate being who you are. I promise the happiness that you experience with like-minded people will assure you that you are doing the right thing.
I love you all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read about my crazy life!