I caught myself thinking in terms of lack today

Disclaimer for sensitive people, empaths, positive people, and people working on becoming enlightened, my article does contain some negative energy. Please read the entire article before giving up. There’s a lesson involved in all of this. I don’t want you to stop reading before you come to that part. I enjoy sharing the very exact feelings that I experience from my point of perspective. I like showing folks the way I some how always manage to transmute the negative into a positive. I’m really making some amazing changes in my attitude and thoughts right now. I’m in the process of rewiring my brain and unlearning everything I was conditioned to believe growing up, in negative work environments, and also being involved in some very scary and dark relationships in my past. Thanks for reading this and I hope it helps you to expand your thinking as much as it did when it was happening to me. I was very angry and aggravated this morning. I was able to resolve it and make it into a positive experience for myself.

You can say my history has been sprinkled repeatedly with bouts of not wanting to share with other people. I am really good at taking what others want to share with me, but having grown up as an only child, even at my current level of income, I would be putting it lightly to say that I am a little selfish. I don’t like sharing despite what my email address lets on to the world. (It’s shareyourabundance)

I also have conditioned into me another trait that I am not so proud of, but since I am in the process of clearing it, I will tell you about it. It’s weird though. I think I got it from a couple of sources. The first one being my Dad. It’s about enabling. What he said exactly is this,”I am more than willing to help somebody, but not if they’re not willing to help themselves…” Then in a slightly different manner while learning the psychological reasons why I was using drugs during my rehab therapy back in 2005. They used it along the lines of saying,”if you continue to enable someone in a bad habit, then they never learn, and they never stop the bad behavior. They always have a crutch, and as long as you continue to contribute to their use, you might as well be supporting the bad behavior.”

This has all come to me in hindsight after going into the kitchen this morning to make my husband’s lunch. I’ll tell you how it all ties in now. My husband and I currently have a room mate. We’ve been on a much smaller income since I lost my higher paying job about a year and a half ago. We separated for a while and he purchased a mobile home and picked up a room mate. When I decided to reunite with my hubby a couple months later, I had no choice in the room mate situation. It was already decided. I knew the person, I would have never chosen or approved of the person, that’s all. It didn’t matter. It was a take it or leave it deal. I reluctantly moved into a mobile home, which I swore I would never do, while simultaneously swallowing the room mate pill whether I liked it or not.

To make a long story short, this room mate’s really kind of slobby, unmotivated, and his lack of care for his immediate personal environment, including taking only occasional showers or cleaning his room. We keep his door shut because his room smells, to be quite frank. He does pay his fair share of the rent and bills though, which is like, the one great quality he does display. i’m not being mean, I am just stating the facts.

Now this is where I had an issue this morning and everyday for like the last year and a half. Like I said above, he pays his share of the bills, but here’s the catch. He takes our food. There’s constantly things missing in the refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. He drinks our soft drinks too. Sometimes he is so bold that he does it right in front of us. I find it quite disrespectful and rude. If he doesn’t have the money, he needs to do more than part time cleaning work under the table for $800 a month. If he does have the money it means he needs to take his lazy self up to the store and get his own stuff. This is specifically why I was mad this morning. I went to make Brian’s lunch. I buy him the sausage sandwiches in for him to make on his first lunch break at work. Then of course, a sandwich chips, a pop, and a Rockstar for the commute. There’s 20 little packages of two sandwiches in each bag that I buy. That should last him FOUR weeks. Five days a week, four weeks. A month. This is like the third time I have bought these little sausage sandwiches in ONE month. I was irate. I lost it! I was so angry!

Now the conditioning my mom gave me while growing up was to feed anyone and everyone if they were hungry. She came from a softer family that never let anyone do without food, even if it was a stranger walking down the road, they’d call them in for food and conversation. She and my dad grew up in a very rural country area in Eastern Kentucky. They were quite poor and both of their families lived off the land. If they didn’t grow it, they didn’t eat it. Animals were the same. They did it all themselves. My mom’s family shared it all with everyone they knew and loved though. My mom was absolutelythe most giving person I have ever known in my life.

So I had the angel and the devil going on this morning in my head. The yin and the yang. Good vs evil. Ego vs divine mind. Here was the dialog in my head today:

This is bullshit. If he can’t get out and get a better job, then he deserves to starve/But I already know I should be sharing and giving back/This is enabling him. If I continue to let this go on, this behavior will never end/But we always seem to get by no matter what/I don’t care. This is unacceptable and he has to learn to accept the consequences of his actions/Mom said to always feed a hungry mouth. Somehow we always manage to have enough food to get by on.

This was going round and round in my head for like ten minutes. Back and forth. Finally I had a thought pop in. I was thinking in terms of lack. I was thinking before that if I ever wrote my book and it made to the New York Times best seller’s list that I would share everything. I envisioned parties on the patio of my new beachside home, filled with friends and family that we flew in to celebrate the book. Everyone eating and drinking and having a good time. Well, how can I do this? How is this vision going to ever come true if I don’t learn to share now. I am always supplied with food from the Universe. Most of the time in abundance. So why not share it like I am rich? Why not let that piece of the puzzle click into place?

I was thinking along the lines of not having enough. I was feeling it too. That’s the jet fuel (e-motion = energy IN motion) for creating MORE lack!!!! Basically, here’s what I think was going on…as long as I subconsciously believe that I don’t have enough, then that’s what I will continue attracting and creating more of in my life. What the Law of Attration says is like attracts like. Not sharing is coming from a subconscious thought that I don’t have enough. It’s been a block for me, this selfishness. It goes against what I believe consciously, which is that there’s more than enough for everyone! When the Universe blesses you, pay it forward. I mean, I pull through drive thrus and buy the person’s food behind me, but I couldn’t get over a few sausages sandwiches missing from the freezer? Obviously I was missing that lesson and everyone is put in your life for a reason. our room mate gets on my nerves, but he still has taught me a valuable lesson today. Share your abundance. Give back. Connect. Have compassion. Love from a deeper place. Let your real divine light through. Me denying him that food would mean that I don’t believe that the Universe is going to give us more than enough food. Like that’s something the Universe is not capable of!!!!

Today’s lesson is this to me:

Go ahead, eat it! There’s plenty more where that came from!!! There always will be! The cup is always refillable!!!! I’m grateful that I have plenty to share with other people!!! I am rich and abundant and I will keep up the energy and the flow of infinite abundance!!! Give out, receive back!!! I trust that the Universe will take care of me and I will alwyas have more than enough!!!! I love sharing!!!! Why wait when I can start now sharing my abundance??? I’m the richest person ever when I am able to share!!! Compassion is the best gift I could ever have been given by the Universe! I’m grateful for the solution to an abundance and financial block I didn’t even realize that I had!!!! Thank you times a million, Universe!!!! Not only will I get over the sharing of the sausage sandwiches, but I will share our big ass lava cake that I made for Brian and I today!!!! YAY me!!!!<3




This brings me to another quote that I love from someone I love to the MOON AND BACK….


Everyone have a great day and I hope my story helped you out in some way!!! Please leave a comment if you feel inspired to do so!!!!

Love you all so much!!! My global family!!!!!




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s