The ebb and flow of my energy lately

I haven’t written in a while. I felt like taking a break. I could not explain why though and that was creating restlessness inside me. I think it was because I have still have some conditioning from the past that makes me feel compelled to have my nose to the grindstone all day everyday. At least I could acknowledge that this time though. It was a bit of ego preventing me from just BEING.

I watched some low vibrational shows and movies with my husband. I felt my actual energy levels ebb and flow between watching shows like Snapped with him and watching enlightening programs from Gaia TV. I swear he wants to be a forensic detective when he grows up. He loves those shows about death and murder. I think the narrator is usually reading from a very dark and biased script that makes the folks watching them think that this behavior is rampant in society. That it can happen close to you or maybe even to you.¬†It’s in a way, worse than the news. It’s somewhat brainwashing and fear-based to me.

I have just been trying to let go of the wheel lately. Maybe I just want to center myself? I’m trying not to put a label on it. I have also been feeling a rather urgent and pressing need to get out of town for a while. I am used to taking at least a weekend or two to get out of town a couple times a year. It just gives your spirit something to look forward to. Plus a squirrel ran across the road in front of my car yesterday. Anytime an animal runs across my path, I know it’s a message from the Universe. I googled “squirrel spirit animal meaning,” and I always try to click the first link that comes up underneath the usual ads at the top of the search results. I find this technique parallels using your first instinct when making a decision with your mind. Plus I like it. It suits me. It’s kind of the way I have chosen to interact consistently with the information super highway. It prevents me from jumping all over and reading way too much into what I am looking for. I just trust the Universe will bring me the right answer in the first link.

Anyways, my squirrel message according to my own personalized technique is that I need to have more fun. Boy was that right on the money. Thanks Universe. I have been telling my husband this for sometime now. Well, I suppose it’s not a choice at this point. If I don’t bring some form of happiness and joy into my life, my vibration is not reaching its true potential. Let’s examine it this way. If I get happy and allow myself into a joyful, happy fun activity, I might, in fact, be led to exactly who and what I need to move into more of myself. To move forward creatively, financially, etc. I think you’re getting my point.

I’m usually quite flighty and airy-fairy. More of a space cadet. Which I love about myself. I’m more of a”fly by the seat of my pants type girl.” I miss that part of me. The spontaneous combustion of my soul. I need that fire back. I suppose life ebbs and flows and maybe that’s what I was experiencing with the sudden drop in energy. I expect that I am on my way back up or I would not be writing again. I just wish I could figure myself out. I feel restless. Maybe I need to re-label that as restful. Conserving my energy. But for what?

I guess I will have to wait and see.


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